This week is National Infertility Awareness Week in the US. It doesn’t seem to be recognised here in New Zealand, which is a pity. The theme this year is “Don’t ignore …” And so I had been considering posting about my infertility here, on my everyday blog, conscious that – by and large – I do ignore it in this space. Yet that’s exactly what I complain about over on my life after infertility blog. A small case of “do what I say, not what I do.” Sigh. Guilty as charged.
I had drafted up something, but wasn’t entirely comfortable with it. The thing is, our infertility is ignored – by my husband and I, most of my friends, my family. This can be explained because I have been quite private about it (yes I know, at the same time writing about it all over the internet so hundreds if not thousands can read some of my most private thoughts), because I’m now of the age where having kids isn’t really an option, and because we’ve been (just) a couple for so long, there doesn’t seem anything strange about us not having kids. So talking about the subject where friends and family will see it is far scarier than talking about it with friends I’ve met on-line, who have always known this part of me. Hence my procrastination about writing anything; an explanation for why my No Kidding blog has never been linked here. That fear of judgement and horror of pity is hard to shake.
Then I got an email. Go to sleep, and wake up to find that I am published on The Huffington Post. Under my REAL NAME! Argh! Talk about coming out big-time. And I linked to it on Facebook. (Because, I mean, it’s The Huffington Post – why wouldn’t I?) Argh again!
My piece was originally posted under “The Secret to Happiness is …” headline – quite different from the “Did I grieve enough?” headline used by The Huffington Post. Still, I’m not complaining! You can read it here.
Note: I’m too scared to read it in case there are dreadful errors and I sound ridiculous!
It was so exciting to see that you were published on the Huffington Post. Good for you for “coming out” and congratulation for doing it so big.
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You have nothing to fear from the editorial! You have a rare talent with words and to speak so positively and in such a balanced way about infertility and loss, from such a personal perspective, is a testament to how wholesome and healing your grief has been. You are a truly amazing woman and a blessing as a friend and your honesty and desire to write about your life, your grief and your infertility can only ever be a suppot and help to other women, sharing an experience you understand so well. It is a privilege and a pleasure, to travel part of the road of life with you and don’t ever doubt for a moment, that my life is the richer for having shared part of it with you and to be able to have you as my friend. Or in short, you rock!
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Mali, I so admire you for “coming out” like this. : ) You’re a great writer and a wonderful representative for our little corner of the infertility world. Congratulations, & thank you! : )
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What a beautifully written piece – honest and from the heart. I know that others will be touched by it too. Your support to other women is an incredibly valuable gift – a direct result of the pain and loss you have experienced yourself. I’m proud to have you as my friend. Well done x
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To me, you have always been balanced and wise. And brave.
(Did you know that HP was a possibility? Or did that come as a surprise?)
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Applause to you from Vermont! Feeling proud of you and pleased for you, and loving that piece.
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Hi Mali, just came across your website and am really enjoying reading your posts. Congratulation on the Huff Post piece too! I live in Auckland and would love to see Infertility Awareness Week recognised here too. Who do we need to talk to?! It’s swept under the carpet, but have discovered that once you start talking to people, you discover that there are a lot of us out there.
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Thanks everyone, I’m blushing.
IB – an email came out of the blue (thanks to another blogger passing on my email address). The editor had seen the post (it was originally a guest post on a a different, well-known blogger’s site) and wanted to reproduce it. Talk about make my day.
I’m now horrified (well, mildly amused) to see that they have edited my post to include US spellings, although they missed “honour” and one “realise.” Heh heh. But the worst thing – they changed “got” to “gotten.” We don’t use “gotten” here – I HATE “gotten.” I would never use “gotten.”
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I was about to say there are no dreadful errors, but apparently I would have gotten that wrong.
And you don’t sound ridiculous at all: just very honest and like someone who has lots of clarity about her life. Very exciting to see your writing talent recognized!
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Congratulations on your out-coming and on such a beautiful piece of writing going straight to the top! Nothing even slightly ridiculous or dreadful. I love it when people can write about these things truthfully, neither a sobbing session nor a feel-good yay-me piece, but an honest account of the way real life actually feels.
(I would never use ‘gotten’ either but am so used to Americanisms in the stuff I read anywhere in the Western world that I didn’t spot it!)
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